Feb. 27, 2022

Making Friends

I believe in a saying I heard a long time ago, friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Everyone I have met in my lifetime that I can call a friend in some way will fall into one of those areas. I have friends that entered my life for a specific reason. I needed them or they needed me. But in the end, the friendship ends, and we part ways. I have friends that come into my life and stay for a much longer time frame. They could be the friends you make in school or college. They can be your coworkers or people you meet in where you live. They are the friends that you hang on to for a much longer time frame. They serve more than just a single purpose in your life. They may still be part of your life now, or everyone has now moved on. Then you have the lifetime friends. Those special few people that enter your life and never leave. They are the friends that help shape who you grow up to be. They are the friends that you just can't live without. Those lifetime friends are very rare for most people. With all the movement in life, family, work and everything else life throws our way, keeping those friends can be a real challenge.

As B and I started this journey, I am sure we felt as many before us and many after us will and have felt. We found ourselves alone, confused and isolated. We had no one to talk to and ask questions. We had no one to live the experience with or share stories. We were traveling without a map, and these were definitely uncharted waters for us.

So, the journey before making friends I had podcasts to listen to, I had websites to check out and groups that I found I could join. The podcasts gave me an end goal in many cases. It was in many cases the end of the journey; it was what could happen if all went well. It was the light at the end of tunnel kind of thing. But it rarely shared the true beginning of the journey for the people who shared their stories. Looking at websites was not for the most part helpful. Often it showed the negative side of the lifestyle. It showed men as weak or pathetic. Men who couldn't satisfy their parners or lacked what their partners really needed. There were some positive sites, but I didn't find them until later in the journey. Then there were groups on Facebook that I found. Those groups were both good and bad in my opinion. It had real people living the lifestyle, but most of the time it was just trying to get women to show off their bodies. It was for the men to parade their partners and for me it was like going back to the early days of hotwifing when men would post pictures behind their spouses backs. In the dark corners of the early internet. But there was some good that came from those groups as well.

The good that came was the few friends that we did find. We had lots of people reach out to us, but they really only wanted one thing. Can I see your wife man? Can I sleep with your wife? That wasn't what we were looking for, we wanted likeminded friends. We didn't want partners to swap pictures with or trade partners with. We didn't want any of that as we were still finding our way. Then something nice happened. We met John and Alex (yes, I did change their names) and instead of all the negative we were getting, we simply got hello.

John and Alex were nearly the exact same couple as B and I, just about ten years older than us. They were just starting to navigate this lifestyle and also had no clue on where to go. We quickly became online friends and have now messaged each other for over 6 months. At times, we were farther along than they were, then they would jump ahead of us. It wasn't a competition, but it was friends sharing their experiences. Sometimes the conversations were really deep and insightful, the kinds that help you step back and see things from other angles. Then there were messages that were positive and encouraging. The I see you are down, so let's pick you up. Occasionally there were memes and throwing out some big ideas to the group. With each message, the map showed more and more of itself. The light at the end shown brighter and we felt that we are not alone. John and Alex are still in our lives, and we are actually planning on meeting them this summer and then a road trip with them.

This next part of our journey is where so many more friends come pouring into our lives. I discovered Twitter. I always thought Twitter was this bad thing because I thought it was all politics and if you don't think my way, then you are bad and evil. Well, I found that Twitter also has a steamy side to it. It had so many groups of like-minded people who are more than willing to share their experiences and their journeys. We had found our place among the people in the lifestyle.

I started off by following the people I had heard in all of those podcasts. There was Scarlett, Venus, Krystine and many more powerful females. Once I friended one, I found more. But the not only did I find more females, I found their spouses and males in the lifestyle. I slowly grew in the lifestyle and now the map was clear to both of us. We just needed to find people we could talk to and share what we have done. What we learned from the people in Twitter has been invaluable.

Then the Mon App came out. This was the part that changed everything for me. I was able to just listen to real people talking and sharing their experiences. I listened more and more, I learned by listening. The biggest thing that I learned, was that I needed to find my voice. I had so much to share, I had so much to ask, and I had so much to learn. So, I scheduled my first Mon chat on the last Friday of #cuckweek.

I named my room the Not Yet Cuck and my voice was found. I shared with a room of about 20 people my journey, the same one I have shared on here, but more of the cliff notes version. I shared how important it is to babystep this process. I closed the room feeling confident. Then the amazing thing happened. People started reaching out to me.

People started sharing with me that my voice gave them confidence to move forward. It gave them the confidence to bring the subject up with their spouses. It gave them the confidence because there was someone just like them in the journey. They were not hearing this from an old veteran in the lifestyle. They heard it from a regular guy who was also just trying to find his way. I moved from just a guy hearing all about it, to someone that people wanted to learn with.

I was surprised by the reactions I was getting and so I continued on. I have done about 6 other Mon chats and have joined in on many others. Each one sharing more and more of my message. My Twitter account following started to grow, which still amazes me. I am now in more groups and have many new friends that we share ideas with as well as guide each other on our journeys.

I am deeply thankful for the support from the friends I have met on this journey. I know some of them have come into my life for a reason. I know that some of them will come in for a season. But I am deeply hopeful that many of them will stay for a lifetime. I wish for all of you to find your friends in your journey. Maybe writing this and sharing my experience, we will create a friendship and whatever role I play in all of this, be it a reason, a season or a lifetime, we can all grow together.