Mar. 6, 2022

Screw the norms!

Let me just start out by saying that I am not an expert in any form of an FLR.  I will also say that by reading this, you will not become an expert in FLR. All I can say is that any path of FLR that you may take is yours. You will follow or may lead as you travel the path, but in the end if you decide to live an FLR lifestyle, you will really enjoy the empowered female.

A friend on Twitter told me I should write a book on FLR and it should be titled: FLR: Improving Your Sex Life By Doing the Freaking Dishes. I know he said that it sounds like a joke, because almost every time I am talking with someone or doing a live chat, I am constantly doing something around the house. Be it general pick up, dishes, laundry, vacuum or any of the other chores that need to be completed. But he said it as a deep hearted compliment.  

So, let's talk about chores. When many people think about the household chores, we instantly think about the female doing all of these chores. Society has told boys from an early age that mom takes care of the house. She cleans, makes all the meals, gets the kids to school on time and then when she is home alone, she cleans even more. Well, that is laughable version of what life is really like for women today. For the most part, the stay-at-home mom is a thing of the past. She is out in the workplace trying to bring home an income to help keep the bills paid and the children fed. Females have become one of the most important pieces of the workforce, but in most cases the least recognized piece.

Society still forces the notion that even if a woman goes to work in any job capacity, she is to still return home, put on a smile, greet the kids at the bus stop and somehow manage to clean the house and cook dinner. It doesn't matter how tired she is. It doesn't matter that she just put in 8 plus hours at work. She is expected to do the motherly jobs and if she doesn't do them, then she is a social failure.

Now on the other side of the coin, the males are allowed to work all day long with no household responsibilities before going to work. They expect their breakfast to made before they leave for the day, their lunches ready and a kiss and out the door. Then the guy gets to come home and is met at the door by his wife with a kiss. He then gets to sit on the couch with a beer and waits for dinner to be placed on the table for him. At no point he is expected to lift a finger to help out around the house. If he does help out, then society tells him he is weak.

So, I think we can all agree that societal norms flat out suck. The male power versus the female submissive roles is a bunch of crap. They have created this one size fits all model of how to live your life that just doesn't work. But in reality, that one size fits all have really screwed us all up. So, guys, it's time to do the freaking dishes.

It's time to man up by stepping down. It's time to put our egos on the shelf and take on more responsibility in our household. I don't care if you work 12 hour shifts or part time jobs. We can all chip in to do a chore around the house. Hang up your coat when you get home. Make sure your shoes are on the mat. Do some laundry, do some dishes just do something around the house. Figure out what your spouse hates to do and do it. But when you do it, do it 100%. No half assing things. This will only make things worse.

Once you start doing the things around the house, keep it up, keep going and watch the happiness grow. Keep checking in with your spouse and see if you are doing it right. Ask her what more you can do to help. Don't make it a chore for her to create a list for you. Open your eyes and mind to what is going on around you. If you look hard enough, you will see things to do. Once you see something then get up and go do it. But don't do it once and think all is good. You have to do this all the time. Embrace your new role as an equal in the household chores.

Set expectations high and hold yourself to that new level. Like most guys, I was one that if I did a simple chore, I wanted to be acknowledged for it. I wanted a thank you, a hug, a kiss or even more. Well, in the FLR dynamic you may or may not get that acknowledgement. You will know if it pleases her though. You will see the stress taken off of her plate and the happiness will set in. It may take time for this to happen. My wife was skeptical at first, because if I did something for her, it usually meant I wanted something in return. Show her you don't want anything in return except her happiness. You want her to feel like she is the queen, and you are here to serve her.

So now what, you started helping out, she seems happier, and things are going as you envisioned. What is going to happen next is huge. If you continue to follow through with the chores you have started and added more along the way, you will see things more clearly. You will start to see all the stressors she had in her life, and you will feel the way she felt. She was overwhelmed, but she couldn't admit it. Society told her to suck it up and do your motherly/wifely duties. You will begin to see why she had little time to spend with you in any way possible. She had to run the house on her own. She was stressed beyond her limits, and we didn't even realize it. We were told by our own societal norms to be more manly. We were told that by her doing her chores, we were being good husbands.

Now that we are doing more around the house to help out, people will start to notice. Let them notice. If they make fun of you, it's not you that is at fault. It is 100% them. They fear that when a man lowers himself in their eyes to help with the household chores, he must be less of a man. That man feels that he needs to show his dominance over you with ridicule and shame. He needs to feed his male ego by whatever means necessary. I will never try to argue with someone like that, there isn't a need for it. In all reality I feel sorry for guys like that. I really feel sorry for the spouses of those guys. Because those men fail to see what really is going on in their own houses, the women never get the help and respect that they deserve. In the cases that I know that are like that, they are either divorced now or on their way to being divorced. The love for each other faded because the guys didn't step up by taking on more in the home.

Now I am not saying that all couples need to be in an FLR dynamic. It isn't for everyone. But you can still help out more around the house. Take on a few chores to help her out. You don't have to submit to an FLR, but you can decide to be a good spouse. A caring spouse that has more to offer your partner.