Mar. 13, 2022

Pause and Reflection

Sometimes in our lives we really need to take a pause. Even if just for a minute. We need to look at the world around us and have a reflective moment. I know that I am often busy with work, family, sports and the events of the world that I forget to just take a pause and be thankful for the things in my life.  

In this blog, I am going to dig a little deeper into the needed pause that can occur in the cuckold lifestyle or any other lifestyle. Now taking a pause gives me time to reflect on the progress that has been made and reflect on any situations that may have come up that went either good or bad. Now pauses don't have to be a long-drawn-out thing. They can be just moments in my day, my pauses usually come when I get ready to talk with my wife. I might be getting ready to send a text or give her a call.  But by taking these much-needed pauses, it allows me the time to fully reflect on our relationship.

So, let's dig in a little bit as I do some reflecting on this first full year of baby stepping into the lifestyle. The beginning few months there was a lot of deep digging into what we really wanted. We had no idea of what the cuckolding lifestyle was or that ethical non-monogamy even existed. We were living our lives based on the social norms that were placed into our lives from the earliest moments of memory. Even though my parents had divorced before I could even remember them being married, I still had many positive and loving married role models in my life. My grandparents were the perfect example of what a well lived life was really like. I had many other friends growing up that their parents never divorced, and they seemed so very happy and content in their marriages. So, thinking back to those early months as we started to think outside of the box, our minds where often flooded with conflicting ideas on what is right and what is wrong.  

I am glad to say that we did pause a few times to really discuss all of the perceived rights and wrongs that we were facing. There were many of these moments, but the one thing that really started growing from these pauses and reflections was the strength of our communication. I mean we always talked with each other. We would occasionally listen to each other. But before this, we kind of went through the motions. We often switched between loving husband and wife, to roommates, to friends and then back to loving husband and wife. The process seemed to just keep moving along as life came at us. The more stress we had, the less we leaned on each other to help out. But during these moments of reflection, we knew that no matter what path we take in this lifestyle, we needed to stop the cycle and be the loving husband and wife. We needed to take moments of our day and be present for each other. These moments had no script. Sometimes we just needed to touch each other. Often it was just a time to continue a conversation that was started earlier but never finished. Then there were times we just acted like highschoolers again and made out. On the rare occasion, we were able to get a quickie in. But no matter what occurred during these times, we connected again as husband and wife.

The next reflection and pausing point were actually one that I needed to do for myself. As I was trying to figure out what the lifestyle was about, I started finding so much negative information. It came through memes, porn, stories and even in some of the groups I had joined. They all talked about how a cuck was not worthy of his wife. He wasn't enough and would never be enough for her. That he couldn't compete with the alpha males out there. I even stumbled on posts about how some men looked at the hotwife lifestyle as a sport. A sporting game that involved trying to break up the marriage and getting the wife to leave the husband. Only to then drop her when she wasn't fun anymore. Those ideas really troubled me. It was the complete opposite of what I had envisioned us going through. So, I brought these ideas up to my wife and shared my feelings with her. We discussed in depth how if either of us ever feels that this isn't going well, we will stop, no questions asked. She comforted me and told me that no one will ever be able to replace me. I have never felt so much love from her during what I felt was a darker time in this journey.

Now there is about a 5 day span each month that my wife really wants nothing to do with sex, sex talk or anything lifestyle related. Oddly enough to me, it is during her monthly cycle. Before entering the lifestyle, I used to hate those times. Like I said before, I was really a selfish lover. But now I embrace those few days each month. It gives us a real chance to pause and reflect. It gives us time to think not about the next baby steps we are going to take, we don't even talk about the steps that we have already taken. It just gives us time to connect in all the other nonsexual ways. I sometimes call these moments a holding pattern. I am just waiting on her to decide without pressure what she wants to do next. Do we navigate forward with our next step, do we pause a little longer to keep our connection going? The greatest thing about this is that she knows she is in charge. She leads the process.

So, I can say that the pauses are coming less often, but we still take the time if needed. We really don't know where this journey is going to take us, and I am glad that we don't know. I am just glad that I have the world's greatest partner to travel with as we explore this lifestyle. The growth in our marriage and our commitment to each other just floors me each day. I still often take even if just for a small moment of time each day to be thankful for my wife. Thankful for my marriage. Thankful for the woman that she is becoming. The one that I always saw in her, but she didn't see in herself. I know that she spends a lot of time pausing and reflecting as well. 

As we continue this journey and get even closer to a first play date, I am sure there will be a lot of pausing and reflecting. But I am more than confident that we will build on everything we have already done in this journey. We will communicate our concerns, our wants, our fears and any other emotions that come to the surface. We will pause as often as needed. We will discuss and reflect and then decide what the right next step will be. So, my advice to anyone reading this, take your time on this journey. It is not a race, there is no competition. It is your and your partner taking a journey together. Others may get to the destination before you, while others like me are still taking the longer route. All I ask of you is to pause and reflect. Communicate with your partner. Show them you are here for them. You are listening, you are patient and most importantly of all, you love her unconditionally.