This week's blog will be a little bit different than the other ones. You will get to see through the view of my hotwife B. She is going to take us through her emotions and the steps she needed to take as we traveled down this path into the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle.
As many of you who have started reading from the start of this journey know, neither of us knew the term cuckold, hotwife, stag, vixen and bull. We lived in a very closed-minded marriage that was all about the social norms that we were supposed to follow.
What were your thoughts on how a marriage should go?
B: I am really not sure about how it should go. I didn't have the greatest role models on what a good or great marriage looked like. My parents divorced very early in my life and then at the age of 15 I moved out of the house. I knew that you were supposed to find the love of your life and live happily ever after. But I really didn't know what that even meant at the time.
What happened at the age of 15 to make you move out?
B: At 15 I became pregnant, and my family was not accepting of it at all. I was basically disowned by all of them. I left with the father of the child and completed high school, started college and then transferred into a fast-paced career path into medicine.
B: I never married the father of my first child, but we lived together and had one more child. It wasn't the greatest relationship, but I made do. He eventually cheated on me, and I packed up and left.
Did you ever get a chance to be wild and free?
B: No, I always put being a mother first. I never really looked to be wild and free. I did date a few guys and did go to a few parties, but I wouldn't call that being wild and free.
Now D enters your life, what were you thinking?
B: I knew him in a roundabout way because he was ahead of me in high school. My friends all had a crush on him, but I knew there was no way a senior was going to talk to a freshman. Seeing him again after all this time, I didn't have those same feelings as in high school that he wouldn't give me the time of day. At first, there was no romantic intentions as he was dating a lot and I wasn't looking for a real relationship.
But we started talking and hanging out in the same circles and a friendship started which kind of quickly turned into a relationship. That relationship started off very hot and heavy sexually. We were all about just being with each other. He cared for me and my children without question.
Now married to D, do you feel that you have the happily ever after marriage?
B: Don't get me wrong, we do have minor issues, but they are just things we learn to communicate better about next time. D has and always works to put me first. I feel that for a long time, we did have the happily ever after. Then about two years ago, things just kind of went stagnant. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, it was just the feeling of having a roommate instead of a husband. Then we had our heart-to-heart talk and discovered neither of us were actually happy.
When D brought up the idea of spicing up the marriage and you sleeping with other men, what was going through your mind?
B: I instantly started to cry. I thought in my head, there is no way I would ever do this in a million years. I then started thinking that if he wants me to do this, then he must want to sleep around as well. I also thought this was the end of our marriage. This wasn't normal for married couples to do; I have never heard about it and my only other experiences close to this were the times I had been cheated on.
What made you go from no way I would do that, to let's talk about it more?
B: We would go on our nightly walks around town and just talk. D would listen to a podcast and then tell me about what he had heard. After a while, it started to pique my interest. To see that this really isn't that strange of a thing some married couples do, was really comforting. We then took some sex quizzes and just kept communicating.
How did D help in this process?
B: Sharing information with me, but in a no stress or pressure way. He told me that this was going to be at my pace. I decided when we move forward and when we slow down. He was open and honest with me. We did some roleplay and fantasy talk, watched a few cuckold porns and he just listened to me.
What was your first encounter with another guy like?
B: My first experience talking with another guy was with O. It was very different right off the bat. He is 100% the opposite of D. He was a man of color, much younger than I am and he started out acting as a Bull. I really was timid in the beginning, but quickly found myself to be a keyboard warrior. I could talk a big talk without much fear that I would ever do anything with him. We talked on the phone, traded a few pictures and he would often send me a video of himself for me to watch. Things slowly fell apart as I felt he did not listen to me, and other things just didn't add up. I still talk to him on occasion, but it is more of just friends.
What did you learn from that experience or the experiences after that?
B: I learned that vetting is a very important part of the process for me. I learned that everyone needs to be honest and say what they want. I learned how to not let being ghosted get to me. I learned that connections are extremely important, and I don't have to be in communication all the time, but every so often is important.
Do you remember any of the rules that you wanted in place as you moved forward in the lifestyle?
B: When we first started, we had a lot of rules. Here are just a few: no kissing the bull, D was always going to be present, D was responsible for the early-stage vetting, no couples, no play dates at our home or at their home. Our biggest one was that it would be ok for either one of us to stop at any time during this process.
Now Bear comes into your life, what were you thinking at first?
B: I trusted D in his vetting. What I was told was that there was a couple that lived a version of the lifestyle. That we just wanted to build a friendship with like-minded people in our area. I knew there was really more to this though. I just didn't know what to expect really.
How was the first group date?
B: It was awkward at first. We meet at a nice place that we have never gone to before. I really didn't know much about them or what they even looked like, besides a few pictures. When we walked to the table, Bear stood up and gave me a hug and I gave M a hug as well. We had a drink and kind of just took it all in. D was a chatter box, but he gets that way when he is either nervous or excited. I couldn't tell which one he was that night. We all just talked like two normal couples, no lifestyle, no flirting just friends meeting for a drink. I knew this was really going to be our first real attempt at finding a potential play partner. So, deep down I was very nervous but also excited as well.
How did the first date go with just Bear, you and D?
B: It went very well. I had been messaging with Bear for a few weeks at that point. So, there was a connection being built. When we went to the table, Bear sat me next to him, very close and D was on the other side of the table. Bear made the first move in touching when he put his hand on my thigh. I was just a little nervous as this was the first time in almost 14 years, that another man would touch me in a sexual/romantic way. He placed my hand on his upper thigh and it was almost like a natural feeling to start rubbing his leg. At one point, Bear asked D to give the two of us a little time together privately. D left without question, but made sure to make eye contact with me to just check in. Once we were alone, we continued to touch each other, talking about our wants in this and if I enjoyed doing my daily tasks for him. He then told me to kiss him. I did as I was asked, and it felt different. I enjoyed the kiss.
You were given tasks to complete each day by Bear, what were your thoughts on all of that?
B: I knew that this was going to be a hotwife scenario, that also included some form of bdsm. The tasks were not something that bothered me at all. It was kind of nice to do for him each day. I also got D to start taking my pictures to involve him as well.
The hotel visit, tell us more about that.
B: Well, I also read this blog. D and I really wrote that one together. So, for the details, we wrote it all perfectly as it happened. With that being said, deep down I was very nervous. I thought in my head, what if I wasn't good enough? What if I disappointed him sexually. Even thinking about was I pretty enough for him. I think these thoughts go through every female's head before a first date.
What happens next?
B: Well, we are all still talking and planning for the future. I continue to do my tasks for him as told to do. We are working on another hotel date, hopefully sooner rather than later. I am focusing on not being so nervous next time and really exploring the sex side of things.
What advice do you have for the guys thinking about living this lifestyle?
B: Communicate. Don't hold anything in. Use your mother fucking words. Be honest. Go at your partner's pace. If this is your idea and she has no clue until that first discussion, be patient. Let her mind unpack all that you say to her. It's ok to pause when needed, because if this is going to happen, it will.
What advice would you have for the females who have either been asked to go into this lifestyle or have decided to begin the lifestyle with their partner?
B: It is ok to live outside the social norms. Be open and honest with yourself. Trust that your partner loves you more than anything in this world. You are his prize possession, and he just wants you to be happy in all areas of your life. Take baby steps if you need to. This is a journey and not a sprint. Unless you want it that way.