Random Thought 1
If you are reading my origin story you will have noticed through the first few entries I have never really mentioned the hotwife/cuckold lifestyle. Besides the one time when I played the role of the bull there really hasn't been anything related to this lifestyle. There is a reason for that and I will do my best to explain it.
Creating a cuckold blog/journal/resource website is very new to me. My first attempt ever in all of this. Just as this is all new to me, so is the lifestyle. My wife B and I have only been looking into alternative lifestyles for a year now. Before we had our talk, which I will discuss more on the origin page, we had no idea about any of this. We never heard of a non monogamous marriage. We never heard the words hotwife and definitely not cuckold. We lived in our safe space.
This was the space we were told to live in all our lives. Society pushes its norms on all of us. Society tells us what is right or wrong without the thought of the individuals making their own decisions. The facts are simple: you are born, go to school, get a job or continue your education. If you are lucky you find that special someone to share your life with. You live the normal wake up, go to work, come back home and then repeat as long as you can stand it. Again if you decide, you bring kids into your lives.
Now bringing kids into your lives brings its own positives and negatives. The positives are that you get more people to share your love, passion, morals and values to. You get to watch them grow up into hopefully a wonderful young man or woman. The negatives in my view are that for many it cements all those social norms that were put on all of us growing up. Society now expects you to put those norms into the minds of our kids and if we don't then society will for you. The negative can also be seen in giving up on our own hopes and dreams because now we will not put ourselves first. If we put ourselves first then society tells us we are selfish and bad parents. There are many more positives and negatives but I want to move on.
So it took the two of us 14 years of being with each other to see that the social norms in life really aren't for us. I am a person of pleasure. If I think it will be pleasurable I will give it a try. I'm open to new experiences and really value the pleasure that comes from those experiences. B on the other hand is a straight shooter. If there is a rule, she will follow it. No exceptions, you must follow rules. Well early on in finding ourselves this past year, I asked her a simple question. I asked what percent of your life are you really living. Her answer was 5%. So 95% of your life she was just going through the motions. I put myself at 25%. Mine was only higher because I enjoy my job and when I'm not working I do things to bring some joy to my life.
Well both of those numbers flat out sucked. So we dug deep to find a solution to get us more joy. We started with talking to each other. But we didn't just talk, we listened to each other. We built our pursuit of happiness from the ground up. We went on walks where we talked about everything and anything. Those talks started a new passion inside each of us. One that made us want to spend more time and learn more about each other's true desires.
So now we started digging deeper, we found online sex quizzes, podcasts,porn and basic information we could share with each other. We started spending time each night that was our time. No kids(they are old enough to take care of themselves) just the two of us with a closed door and a bed. Sometimes it was another round of talking. Others it was a high school make out session. It could be a massage and lotion to help B really unwind from her day. Occasionally it may have ended up with a quickie. But this dedicated time for each other really started moving the needle of happiness up for both of us.
During this past year we played with many different kinks and explored our bodies more than we thought we could. It has been the best year of our married lives in all areas. During this time though was when we found a balance of an FLR relationship and normal life. It began opening a whole new world for us.
The biggest change for me during this past year was that I realized how selfish I really was. Before the past year, I talked but rarely listened. I was there, but not really present. I put my sexual gratification before hers. I though that if I enjoyed sex, then she must as well. I rushed things that should have been slowed way down. I rediscovered the fine art of foreplay. The art of emotionally connecting before physically making a connection.
Once I got past being selfish and placing B on a pedestal, our whole world was now open. We discussed so much more. We weren't afraid to share or thoughts and desires. We put everything out there and in return we were rewarded with even more happiness.
Now comes the cuckold talk. Halfway through the past year I stumbled across the some cuck type porn sites. It was an interesting take on sex and marriage. It brought my mind back the first conversation that we had when I asked her if she wanted to sleep with other men. She said no but the thought always lingered in my mind. So now as we opened our conversations up even more I brought up the subject one more time.
I explained to her what I was learning and all the positives that could come from living the cuckold lifestyle. I explained the whys because I had no idea on the how yet. She listened and asked questions. Our love grew even more during this next step.
So fast forward to today, we are babystepping this process. We do some roleplay and fantasy situations. We still do the FLR and have added the aspect of chastity to our lives. She has found a fondness for CBT but she keeps it on the safe side of things. We have not yet invited a bull into our relationship but have put some feelers out there so we can practice and learn. We still need to learn how to find bulls, vet bulls and then take the next steps.
So to really dig into why I created this page, it is for me and my wife. It is for all the couples just starting to take their first babysteps. It might even help some of the veteran couples. I wanted to make a safe space that invited people to look and learn without any pressure. To see that there are people just like them out there. Struggling to break the social norms. People who want to break all the rules and really be happy. To really live their lives.
My journey will be different then the next person but there will be overlaps. There may be something I share that just hits home. It might be a place that people find that encourages them to be who they want to be not who they are told to be.
Where my journey leads to, I am not sure at all. It's up for B to guide us. I'm just enjoying the chance to be along for the ride with her. My love for my wife grows each and everyday. My happiness and really living my life continues to grow as well as hers.
I hope you find even if it is just one piece of my life or thoughts that I share with you to be valuable. Because this is a valuable experience for me.
Kink (noun) a painful muscle spasm especially in the neck or back (`rick' and `wrick' are British) kink,twist,twirl (noun) a sharp bend in a line produced when a line having a loop is pulled tight. kink (noun) a person with unusual sexual tastes.
Lifestyle [ˈlīfˌstīl] NOUN the way in which a person or group lives. "the benefits of a healthy lifestyle"
So I was thinking about what does this all mean for me and my life. You grow up hearing that someone is kinky or dirty when it comes to sex. You rarely hear it as a positive. You look at the definition above and it says a person with unusual sexual tastes. Well who the hell defines what unusual sexual tastes means? I am glad as an adult I have come to love the word kink or kinky. I may not understand all of the kinks out there and I will never yuck someone's yum. I want people to feel that they can express their love of sex in what ever way they feel that is needed without judgement.
Now lifestyle as defined above talks about the way a person or group lives, followed by the benefits of a healthy lifestyle. Seems odd that when you say kink, they have to put it in a negative light, while the word lifestyle is this very positive thing. The more steps I take in this journey I begin to see that the cuckold, hotwife, stag/vixen way of life is really a lifestyle.
I have heard people describe it as a kink or fetish. I have heard people say it is a lifestyle as well. So what is it? In my opinion it is a lifestyle, that has kinks involved. A couple can't enter into this without fully understanding what they are doing. If they do, then there will be a long learning curve ahead of them. It doesn't mean it can't be done, but there will be more challenges and obstacles to take on. So a couple needs to understand what they are about to do is a total life changing event. If compared to a kink, if I spank my wife or she spanks me, we get our moment of sexual pleasure and then it goes away. While entering into the one side non-monogamous marriage, it doesn't go away.
It becomes your life. It becomes your entire world. You and your partner begin to embrace all the good and bad that comes with it. You can tackle all the challenges together as a team. You both get the pleasure from what you are doing. It becomes your lifestyle. As stated above, this lifestyle can have benefits. It can have healthy benefits for both partners.
So I see this as a lifestyle. Yes there are so many kinks that can be added into the lifestyle, but you can do those kinks without being in the lifestyle. You can wear chastity cages, you can do humiliation or teasing and denial as a kink on its own. You can include all of those into the lifestyle or you can do none of those. That's the real beauty of it all.
There are no rules when it comes to this lifestyle. No one can tell you that you are doing it right or wrong. They can say we do it differently, but you do what works best for you. You will get haters for sure. You will also get praised and lifted up. But in the end, this is all up to you and your partner. Have fun and own your lifestyle. After all this is your life, so go out and live it.